Hello fellow felines of San Juan Island. I am Rupert and I’m looking for a new home. But first, some advice.

Believe me when I say, I have seen some of the finest cat minds of my generation destroyed by that fickle mistress known as the “Red Dot”. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. “The Laser Pointer”, the “Red Menace”, “The Dot of Doom”, “Bouncing Betty”. You know how it is…. you’re relaxing in the sun, dreaming about mice, and someone fetches the pointer. That’s when you cancel your plans for the rest of the day and spend what seems like an eternity chasing the dot. You will not catch it. You can try, my friends, but the dot will NOT be caught. My cousin once chased the dot all the way to Lopez Island and still the dot got away. Trust me – nothing good ever comes from chasing the dot. The next time someone tries to engage you in a “nice run-around” with one of those pointers, stay strong. Reject the dot. Just say no. This has been a public service announcement.

If you’re looking for a job and would like to be my personal door opener, we should talk. The job doesn’t pay well, but it comes with great benefits! Stop by the animal shelter for an interview soon. I’m Jersey and I’d love to be your new boss.